Blog

People say it is okay to feel lost. How can that be?

Feeling lost is the stage where the place we once felt comfortable suddenly becomes unfamiliar. The work environment we called home – the one where we believed we belonged – feels strange. The doors we were confident would always open for us now greet us with cold silence when we knock. Our role models, the leaders, we once admired are no longer inspiring.

“What is the next move?” is the haunting question on our minds.

Sometimes it feels like we don’t even understand ourselves. The work we used to love no longer excites us. We turn to friends for advice, only to find they no longer understand us either. Their words feel disconnected from our experience.

But how could they – when we don’t even know what is happening within ourselves?

Being lost doesn’t mean something is wrong. It doesn’t mean we made a wrong choice that led us into the middle of a forest, or that we are not flexible enough to adapt to changes in the outside world.

It is not about the outside. It is the INSIDE!

It is our BEING – the way we interpret reality, what we feel, and how we present ourselves to the world – that has silently evolved to the stage where we never fit in – neither where we are, nor where we believed we should be.

In that uncomfortable and bizarre stage, our instinct is to DO something. We travel to places we once loved. We eat our favorite foods. We meet with old soulmates… but nothing seems to energize us. We try to be creative and do more to contribute to the world, and it leads to nowhere.

The secret is we don’t need to do anything – yet.

The reason the opportunity hasn’t come yet is the new being hasn’t fully bloomed.

Take time to understand this new stage of being. Learn to listen to what our self wants and needs. Learn what it now values. Let go of what we used to believe we loved – foods, places, books, hobbies, and even people. If it wants to rest, then rest. If it is curious about something, learn. If it wants to experiment, try.

And never rush.

When the new being blooms into its full form, something magical will happen. That’s when the world will open up, offering endless possibilities. Because each of us plays a part in shaping this world. Every being is needed. Each person has a role to serve and contribute to others.

Are you ready to accept your new self and follow a different path?

Thao Pham
ICF Professional Certified Coach
Executive & Corporate Well-being Coach

Who am I?
Am I who I am, or am I who you think I am?

When it comes to making business decisions, systems, and critical thinking are non-negotiable.

We begin by mapping out the system, collecting facts and figures from as many sources as possible. We require information from retail audits, e-commerce insights, shopper/ consumer behavior, brand tracking, social media trends, economic data, and market trends, just to name a few. Our goal is to create a holistic picture where all data points are interconnected.

We then challenge our team to bring the most relevant, up-to-date, and reliable data to the table. If budget allows, we prefer to use primary data from top-tier research firms, we barely look at secondary data because we want the most accurate figures to generate insights and gain foresight into consumer and market behavior. And yet, despite our efforts, we all know that sometimes, all these data are not enough to guarantee the best decision. Some initiatives still fail in the market.

That is business. That is what we are doing, like experts in everyday leadership.

But what do we do when it comes to evaluating people? The most common term we hear is Intuition or “gut-feeling” – we trust our own intuition.

But what is intuition, really? Have you ever challenged what shapes your intuition?

Before a new line manager, teammate, or business partner joins our team, our ears are filled with pieces of information spreading from person to person, without solid evidence or facts. Those conversations are entertaining, which makes us forget to check the reliability of the data sources, not to mention the context and the time when they were collected.

Some of us have a habit of turning to social media to “understand” someone. The photos, posts, and achievements are enough to put people in certain categories.

Others take pride in their ability to “see through” people within moments of meeting them. They say “People always behave exactly how I see them the first time we meet”.

….

Unlike making business decisions, we are so sure of our judgment about others. Once we make a conclusion, almost no one can convince us to change our view.

But… have you ever noticed…

We don’t see people in all their aspects of life. We only know our teammates in the corporate context, through a few projects we work on together.

We only “know” our Facebook friends at the moment they choose to show us online.

Most interestingly, people appear differently depending on our moods. When we are happy, everyone seems joyful. When we are compassionate, everyone suddenly becomes kinder.  When we are in a bad mood, the world becomes gray, filled with irritating and hateful people. When we feel fearful, anyone could become a rival with bad intentions towards us.

So, do we see people as they truly are?
Or do we see people as we want them to be?

Thao Pham
ICF Professional Certified Coach
Executive & Corporate Well-being Coach

When Anger comes with a title, a position, or a status, it can seem “powerful”. Its energy, sometimes is like a volcano erupting, spewing layer upon layer of lava; at other times, it is like a storm, sweeping everything in its path. In its presence, there is silence – the silence of Fear, of Resentment.

The energy appears strong. The person with Anger looks powerful. At times, Anger invites Admiration.

When you practice Vipassana meditation – observing bodily sensations with equanimity – whenever you find yourself drifting away by a thought, gently return to observing the sensations.

The technique sounds simple, but when emotions like Anger arise during meditation, it is hard to maintain the observation with equanimity.

You may find your breaths heavy, your mind filled with angry thoughts. There is a strong urge to prepare sharp responses, to take action, and to punish others – even though, through your experience, you know feeling angry only damages your body.

Sometimes, it takes a few meditation sessions or a few days of sitting for Anger to subside. By repeating the practice, eventually, you experience the state where you calmly observe your body’s helplessness in the presence of Anger: the heavy breaths, the heat, the rapid heartbeat, the chest tightness, the headache – all come together to “welcome” Anger.

At that point, you begin to understand that the most effective way to avoid damaging yourself and others is to return to observing the sensations in your body and breathing whenever Anger arises.

So, who or what is stronger? “Who” is the master of the other – the Anger or the person feeling angry?

If the person feeling angry is stronger, why can’t they command the Anger to go away, to avoid Regret once the storm has passed? Why can’t they keep the Anger at the doorstep, to protect their blood pressure, their heart, and their stomach, maintaining a healthy state?

What do you believe about your relationship with Anger?
What makes you welcome and nurture Anger in your daily work and life?

Thao Pham
ICF Professional Certified Coach
Executive & Corporate Well-being Coach

We love stories.

Every time someone tells a story, we are hooked.

We learn to tell stories. We create courses like Data Storytelling. But the truth is, we don’t need to learn this skill. Our minds are story-making machines. They constantly collect data to create countless stories in our heads.

What we call instinct, a “gut feeling” or a “sixth sense” when evaluating people – distinguishing the “bad” from the “good” – is rooted in the stories we tell ourselves. These stories are built from what we see (their facial expressions, what they dress, how they look, whether they are good-looking or not, and so on), what we hear (their accents, the words they use, how confident they sound, etc.), and most importantly what we FEEL – the like, dislike and the emotions that arise in those first moments of meeting.

The stronger the emotions we feel, the deeper the stories are rooted in our minds. The moment the story is created, it shapes the way we respond to that person.

Unless that person does something dramatically different on a future occasion, everything they do only reinforces the stories created during those first few interactions.

The “bad” person becomes worse. But does the “good” person become better? Maybe … maybe not!

When someone makes us feel good, our expectations of them rise. Unless they ever fail to satisfy all unspoken expectations, their “good” image remains in our perception. And who would succeed in fulfilling all expectations in other people’s heads?

Who suffers from those stories?

People around us? Maybe … maybe not!

But one person who definitely suffers from those unchecked stories is OURSELVES. The more stories we hold onto, the more they control our thoughts, feelings, languages, and actions toward people around us. Over time, stories become beliefs, and views of life, decide our circle of friends, and the path we take, and eventually determine our well-being.

Are you AWARE of HOW your stories are being created – in every single moment?

Thao Pham
ICF Professional Certified Coach
Executive & Corporate Well-being Coach