Do you remember Paddington 2, a live-action animated comedy film directed by Paul King?
I am a big fan of happy ending cartoons, and this movie had everything to offer. The story was warm and truly happy for all characters but what struck me was not the cute little bear Paddington, not the touching friendships, but the prison short-tempered chef Knuckles.
Knuckles appeared a fierce prison chef, punishing anyone who dared to utter a subtle complaint about his foods. At mealtimes, the inmates all eat in silence, trying to consume awful dishes till the date Paddington arrives. Everyone was shocked at the sight of Paddington telling Knuckles how bad his food was, triggering Knuckles’ volcanic eruption. When Knuckles was about to punch Paddington, the little bear accidentally slapped his marmalade sandwich in Knuckles’ face, mesmerizing him with its delicious taste.
Instantly Knuckles recruited Paddington to learn the magical recipe for the next meal. The moment the sandwich was served, Knuckles sat quietly, face crumpled up, silently cursing himself for risking the new dish. He dared not come near the serving hatch until Paddington urged him on. Knuckles was speechless and incredibly touched by everyone’s sincere appreciation, and it was the moment that stuck in my mind. It unfolds a beautiful Knuckles who had a burning wish to serve delicious meals but struggles with the how. It was not a Knuckles who intentionally wanted to torture other prisoners by making them eat yucky foods every day.
In my past role at my previous employer, I saw myself in Knuckles – a manager who received feedback: “micro-managing her team”. I felt hopeless, believing that it was my characteristic that was something I could never change until the day I discovered my Top talents with Gallup StrengthsFinder. It showed Responsibility is one of my Top talents and micro-managing is just the flip side of it. When I made a promise to my line manager or my business partners, I committed to delivering it on time, and in full. I even enjoyed delivering my projects ahead of the deadline. I, however, tended to worry about the work quality of the people I worked with, resulting micro-managing style.
By asking myself two questions:
- Who do I want to become?
- What talents help me achieve that goal?
I was more aware of the talents I used in each situation and used them intentionally. I wanted to become a manager who inspired people I worked with. I used Connectedness to inspire my team about the meaning of the projects that they together delivered with me. Individualization, the talent helped me see the bright side in each person and helped me acknowledge specific achievements of my team. This simple action plan enhanced ownership and infused more positive energy into the people I worked with.
The transformation did not happen overnight. It took me a few months to change the image of Knuckles. Unsure if everyone acknowledged the change but it did not matter. What mattered most was that the transformation built up confidence in me that I can change, and I can be a better version of myself.
Over the past 7 years, I encountered many Knuckles when I introduced StrengthsFinder to co-create a strengths-based culture for my corporate clients. I saw tears, healing, and self-compassion in the moments they understood why they behaved that way. I witnessed understanding, compassion, and better collaboration among the team members the moment the insights were unfolded.
In our daily life, we constantly make judgments. We assess everyone and anyone, whether they are our colleagues, teammates, bosses, friends, significant others, or strangers. We tend to assess ourselves based on our INTENTION, but very often we judge people based on their BEHAVIOURS, or even worse making negative assumptions about other intents.*
Many conflicts arise from ungrounded assessments where misunderstanding about others’ behaviors occurs, being suppressed or escalated.*
Understanding others’ intentions is vital in building and strengthening relationships but first of all, do we have enough understanding about the TALENTS & STRENGTHS of our team members, our business partners – the way they naturally behave, think, and feel with good intentions – to have fair and grounded judgments about them?
More importantly, are we helping others to become a better version of who they are or holding them back to the ugly version of Knuckles?
Written by
Thao Pham
ICF Professional Certified Coach
Gallup Certified StrengthsFinder Coach
I partner with team leaders to co-create strengths-based cultures
References:
*Chalmers Brothers. (2005). Language and the pursuit of Happiness. New Possibilities Press.